This is something I made during my exam week:
Exam week has never been this tough. This is the first time ever that I couldn't finish my exam on time. :(
In business school, exams are pretty tough but never impossible. However this time I was smacked in the face-fall on to my knees by the fist of Principle of finance. I am never a good number cruncher-excel hero, I score very low in clerical section of IQ test. numbers and line of numbers are my kryptonite.
Before the exam, I thought i nailed the subject already. I even taught other people! I put too much glory on myself. I forgot to rely on God. During the exam, I was so tense that my shoulder hurts and my during the last minutes, my hands were trembling. I tried to pray but I think I was too overwhelmed with fear and worry. And ta-da I only managed to finish half of the exam.
Leaving the room I was feeling okay, I thought "Okay I'll just surrender to God" But then while walking, the feeling of anguish and fear swept over me and suddenly, there is this question in my heart, "Do you love your score more than God?" "Do you not be thankful to God just because of one bad score?"
Hmmmm... this put me into short contemplation. it made me realize that I'm being too attached to my score. It seems like I define God's grace as good scores. God is good as long as my scores are good. This is a very dangerous and short sighted view. It's true that God's grace include God's works in my study, but that's not the only thing.
I was being a spoiled child. I was being sad just because God took the candy of my life! I fail to acknowledge the greatness of His ultimate gift. I fail to look back of what God had done into my life. I was being very self-centered and ungrateful. This is what happen when I put my eyes, heart and focus towards myself and the circumstances.
In the face of big storm I should've gave thanks to God, just like Daniel. I should give thanks by remembering all the things God had done for me. He had delivered me, He will, He always.
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