Life with God

Probably in this world today, if you want to be an outcast all you need to say to your peers is " I am a Christian and I love Jesus" 
Truth is, my life now that I am living in God is the best life I have ever had and it just gets better.
If you doubt Christ and dismiss him as another humdrum religion, I can say to you that you don't know what you are talking about. If you would seriously observe and look at the evidences, you would be a different man. There is no loophole in Christianity.

I am a changed person since God's grace came to me and I believed him. I never knew life could be THIS WONDERFUL! All the things that I upheld and thought as important and therefore gave me so much anxiety, God told me to not worry about them. "You are a KING'S DAUGHTER!" He said.

However, to say that life in Him is without difficult times is to be not true. Though I had my moments of brokenness and wanderings, I know that He had always kept me safe in Him. And throughout those moments of difficulty I come to know Him more. And nothing is wasted in his hand, as it is said in Exodus You meant it for harm but God meant it for good, the saving of many lives. 

 I remembered one time when I really enjoyed being in the presence of God and was just filled, drenched, overwhelmed by His Spirit. I was in the bus journeying from Jinhae to Seoul, my friend said to me that I was smiling really wide and my face look radiant. I imagine that is how we are created to be. Radiant being, created in the image of God to reflect his glory to the entire universe.
I long to the moment I will see Him face to face, yet at the same time I know that there is perfect time for everything and I know my momentary stay on earth is going to be awesome, because God's signature is all over my life's design.

My days were written in your book before one of them came to be - Psalm 139

Amen.

Dear Wonderful God

I found this writing as I went through my archive, and I wrote this about last year or beginning of this year. And it just made me happy to read this. Why? you will see the answer below

Dear God,
people say you are amazing and wonderful
people say you're never late in helping those who believe
I tried to believe but it is so hard when you have 50 million rupiahs worth of debt
This is your event, and yet we're scarce in money.
I am your child, yet my name is being ridiculed because this debt can't be paid
I am so distressed and sad and I am losing faith
save me Lord.

Where else should I go?
No where else but you. and yet I can not find you
You seem to be quiet
You seem to not care
I know I have my iniquities
I have asked for your forgiveness
What is it that I should do?

Teach me to seek you more
Give strength to live everyday with the power that you supply
My knee is weak and I am so stressed that my prayer went unanswered.
Scattered under your throne.

O Lord if you are so great in love that you gave your Son, how come you don't help us now?

How come?
How come Lord?


THE DEBT WAS PAID. IT IS DONE. HE is FAITHFUL

A Morning Wake Up Call

My life in Handong has been so awesome, God has blessed me beyond imagination.
I met His wonderful children and just had really awesome time there.
This time round I will be going back to Handong, I sensed that I still have ministry to be done in Handong.

But in the mean time my spiritual life is wavering

I admit that I haven't been faithful in my prayer and devotion life during holiday, despite of all the excuses I would like to have, I don't. It was my choice direct or indirect to not spend my time with Him.
Yet despite my unfaithfulness He remains faithful. He continued to call me to know Him to come back to Him. He even woke me up every morning to have quality time with Him.

This morning He woke me up with my mother's alarm. And I am so thankful for that.
This morning as I was unable to pray, I feel that He wants me to watch a sermon by Francis Chan, the sermon that I watched was about living fearlessly in holiness by understanding the holiness of God. I realized through the sermon that I haven't been seeing God through all His holiness. I have lost sight of Holy Righteous God. and therefore I have been taking my devotion and prayer time for granted. Having no power to face the day and to face the world where I am alone without brothers and sisters in Christ physically present.

One thing led to another, and I was urged to watch Paul Washer sermon. As I watch the sermon that spoke about the importance of prayer, I realized that I have undermined the power of prayer that I so desperately need to survive in this desert.
One sentence that I really struck me was (I am paraphrasing here) If you think you could spend a day without praying, behold we have found man stronger than Jesus. 

However through this all I feel that He still loves me and as I wrote this my heart reverberate with the statement. He reminded me of Him so many times, because I need Him so much. He had changed my diet, I need His Word to live. Truly, man does not live on bread alone but from every words that come from the mouth of God. 

To brothers and sisters out there if you feel like you have been failing in your Christian walk, take a look again, have you been trying to walk alone? Christian walk is never meant to be walked alone. Especially when we are walking in this dark world. Remember, apart from Him we can do nothing. Like a dead branch on the ground that has no use but to be thrown into fire.

les miserables - wretched one

Once I asked God to show me what a wretched I am.
I asked God to show me, the ugliness inside of me so that I can cherish His forgiveness.

Today I saw my wretchedness.
I am unforgiving
I can't say no to temptation
I said careless words
I hurt others
I am hateful
I am running from responsibility

I see now that I can't be good on my own.
There is no goodness inside of me
I forgot that once, I had said sorry and I did it all over again
I made mistake over and over and over


People see me as a good person (maybe)
because they had never seen me in my worst shape.

I see how I need grace.
I need mercy
I need the peace and righteousness that is in Christ.

My soul can only rest in Him

The faith

 My soul was perplexed with unbelief, blasphemy, hardness of heart, questions about the being of God, Christ, the truth of the Word and certainty of the world to come. I say, the I was greatly assaulted and tormented with atheism.

Of all the temptations that I ever met with in my life, to question the being of God and the truth of his gospel is the worst and the worst to be borne. - Paul Bunyan

The passage above, illustrates perfectly how I feel now. I am now in great distress because I don't have faith in Jesus.

Conversion is not the smooth, easy-going process some men seem to think... It is a wounding work, of course, this breaking of the hearts, but without wounding there is no saving... Where there is grafting there is a cutting, the scion must be let in with a wound. to stick it on to the outside or to tie it on with a string would be of no use. Heart must be set to heart and back to back, or there will be no sap from root to branch, and this I say, must be done by a wound - Excellency of a Broken Heart - Paul Bunyan

I got my wound yesterday. There is this boy, he's 18 years old. He used to be very naughty, he is the kind of person who party, use drugs and drink alcohols. He really loved that kind of life until he knew about the truth. The truth changed his life. And so yesterday my church leader asked him to share the truth with me. The truth that he told me was the same truth that turned me around. The same truth that was preached to me 2 years ago. The same truth that made me a Christian.

Upon hearing the truth, I realized that my faith is without strong foundation. I am now slipping away. I am just becoming a so-so Christian. I don't spread the gospel anymore. I don't even believe in it. I can say I was cut to the heart when he shared with me. Not because he was rude or anything but more because of the realization that all these times I had been walking in vain. I was so in turmoil inside. I had no peace. I felt like I can't believe anymore.

Samuel told me something that Han Ju also said to me when I doubt the faith."Don't rely on your feeling."
My feeling has been holding me back from believing the gospel. The gospel is a well-rounded truth. There is no hole and it is actual historical fact. Today I want to get back on my feet again upon this foundation of truth, so that once again I may proclaim the truth and become the witness.

How kindly therefore doth God deal with us, when he chooses to afflict us but for a little, that with everlasting kindness he may have mercy on us. Is 54:7-8 

grace and protection

I am so thankful to God today...
I phoned my mom and she told me that she got robbed few days ago.
When she was heading to the car, guys on a motorcycle grabbed her bag and pull it with the force of motorcycle's speed. Because the bag was not easy to come off, my mom got dragged for 5meters. She got scars all over her body and face.
Luckily the bag's handle was torn, that way, my mom didn't get drag further which could cause more harm (it was on a busy street). Plus the bag didn't get stolen.
I thought to myself, things could have gotten worse if the bag's handle wasn't torn. I repeatedly tell my mom that God is really good and protecting us.
This incident made me realize that life is fragile. it's only by God's protection that we're safe and sound. There are so many evils out there. I'm so thankful to God that He's been protecting my mom.

A week with LWMC-EM team

This week I had been really blessed by the visit and ministry of LWMC EM team. 

I had so much fun with them. I learned many things from God also. 

The first one is, at the beginning, my motivation to help them in translation was not based on my love for God, I did it to please myself because they're such nice people and I like being around them. 

However God reminded me again that it is not right. If I expect them to please me, I will just be disappointed in the end and will not be able to have the peace of God. and also I will not bring joy to His heart because I do all of my service to them in a wrong motivation. The bible verse that helped me to have a change of heart is 

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal,“But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal.- Matt 6:19

Second, God reminded me of how much pride I had in me. I was so excited to be with them because they are nice and they are Americans. I didn't have the same motivations to serve Indonesians because I look down on their low education and uneducated behavior.  However as I was ministering the Indonesians alongside with the team,  I learn to sincerely ministering, to truly says God bless you and really means it. In the end of the service, as I was shaking hands with them and see their faces, I can truly says God bless you from the bottom of my heart and my heart was overflow. But this is just the beginning I think, I still have to learn to love those whom aren't lovely. The bible verse that helped me to realize this is:

 If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same - Luke 6:33

This verse reminds me that I'm nowhere near what I should do, because I only love those whom are pleasing to my heart. 

Today, the team left to do ministry in Bandung with Korean team and on Sunday they will go straight to the airport to go back. It was so sad at first, because even though we have only known each other for one week I felt very blessed and happy to have them as family in Christ.  However I learn to trust God that this will not be the last meeting. and when we part in such short time, it is part of God's perfect plan. God's grace is sufficient for us.